Bewildered: One Line Quotes (Part I)

SIG QUOTES / BONGO BOB QUOTES

(PART I)

"Automatic" simply means that you cannot repair it yourself.
90% of everything is crud.
A Project Manager is like the madam in a brothel. His job is to see that everything comes off right.
A Smith & Wesson always beats four aces.
A bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
A bird in the hand is worth about three Kleenex.
A child's ability to endure likely stems from his ignorance of alternatives.
A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind.
A closed mouth says nothing wrong; a closed mind does nothing right.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that worked.
A computer makes as many mistakes in one second as three men working for thirty years straight.
A conference is simply an admission that you want somebody else to join you in your troubles.
A dog is a dog except when he is facing you. Then he is Mr. Dog.
A fellow who is always declaring that he is no fool usually harbors suspicions to the contrary.
A fool and his money are some party.
A friend in power is a friend lost.
A good listener not only is popular everywhere but also, after a while, knows something.
A great deal of money is never enough once you have it.
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
A liberalism incapable of fiscal self-discipline brings about a radical conservatism conspicuous for its selfishness and insensitivity.
A major failure will not occur until after the unit has passed final inspection.
A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
A man will believe anything that does not cost him anything.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
A miser is a fellow who lives within his income. He is also called a magician.
A misplaced decimal point will always end up where it will do the greatest damage.
A narrow mind has a broad tongue.
A neurotic builds castles in the air. A psychotic lives in castles in the air. And a psychiatrist is the guy who collects the rent.
A perfectly calm day will turn gusty the instant you drop a $20 bill.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
A politician's most important ability is to foretell what will happen tomorrow and next month and next year - and to explain afterwards why it didn't happen.
A seeming ignorance is often a most necessary part of worldly knowledge.
A sense of decency is often a decent man's undoing.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
A stockbroker is someone who invests your money until it is all gone.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
A yacht is a hole in the water, lined with wood, steel, or fiberglass, through which one pours all his money.
Academic rivalries are so intense because the stakes are so small.
Activity is the politician's substitute for achievement.
Adam Smith revisited: Work creates Wealth, which is then Redistributed in the holy name of Social Justice. That is to say, what is mine is yours, and his, and hers, and theirs...
Adventure is no more than discomfort and annoyance recollected in the safety of reminiscence.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
All skill is in vain when an angel pees in the barrel of your rifle.
All things are possible. Except skiing through a revolving door.
All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
All turtle thoughts are of turtle.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
All work and no play make Jack a dull boy and Jill a wealthy widow.
All's well that ends.
Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
Although I may disagree with what you say, I will defend to the death your right to hear me tell you how wrong you are.
Always address your elders with respect; they could leave you a fortune.
Always convice those whom you are about to deceive that you are acting in their best interests.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing else annoys them as much.
Always mistrust a subordinate who never finds fault with his boss.
Ambition is the curse of the political class.
Among economists, the real world is generally considered to be a special case.
An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.
An economy cannot afford high tech unless it has a basic structure of other industry to provide the savings that will support high tech until it begins to pay off.
An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty.
An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
An infinite number of mediocrities do not add up to one genius.
An open mouth oft-times accompanies a closed mind.
An unhappy crew makes for a dangerous voyage.
Anger is never without an argument, or with a good one.
Any appetite is its own excuse for existing.
Any component, when inadvertently dropped, will roll into a hiding place, the inaccessibility of which is proportional to the square of the component's irreplaceability.
Any contract drawn in more than 50 words contains at least one loophole.
Any given computer program, when running, is obsolete.
Any machine design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated terms.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Anyone can handle a crisis. It's everyday living that kills you.
Anyone in good enough condition to run three miles a day is in good enough condition not to have to.
Art is a passion pursued with discipline; science is a discipline pursued with passion.
As scarce as truth is, the supply invariably exceeds the demand.
As the rabbit said, if that ain't a wolf, it's a hell of a big dog.
Ask your children what they want for dinner only if they are buying.
Assumptions, so often full of holes, remain precious to the convinced.
At best, life is a spiral and never a pendulum. What has been done cannot be undone.
Bad weather forecasts are more often right than good ones.
Bankers are the assassins of hope.
Basic research is what you do when you don't know what you are doing.
Be a corporate good citizen; hire the morally handicapped.
Be kind to your web-footed friends; that duck may be a buyer.
There's no intelligent life down here.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes right to the bone.
Behind every successful man is an astonished mother-in-law.
Being king is not much fun if no one knows you are one.
Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.
Beware of all enterprises requiring new clothes.
Black holes are outa sight!
Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.
Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the crap.
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
Blessed be he who is called a big wheel, for he goeth around in circles.
Bosses come and bosses go, but a good secretary lasts forever.
Bullshit baffles brains.
By the time most of us have money to burn, our fire's gone out.
By working faithfully 8 hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Cheer up. The first hundred years are the hardest!
Children are a comfort in your old age, and they will even help you reach it.
Civil servants are neither civil nor servile.
Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends upon human reliability is unreliable. You can rely on it.
Confidence is the feeling you had before you knew better.
Construct a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
Crime is merely politics without the excuses.
Crisis management works beautifully until an actual crisis occurs.
Da trouble wit computers is, dey got no sense of humor.
Days you attend top-level meetings and days you get hiccups tend to fall on the same dates.
Degeneration and evolution are not the same thing.
Desperate diseases require desperate remedies.
Did you know that if you maintain a cholesterol-free diet, your body makes its own cholesterol.
Diogenes is still searching.
Distrust your first impressions; they are invariably too favorable.
Don't be afraid to take a big step. You cannot cross a chasm in two small steps.
Don't be so humble...you aren't that great.
Don't get married if you are afraid of solitude.
Don't hit a man when he's down unless you are damned certain he won't get up.
Don't wear earmuffs in a bed of rattlesnakes.
Don't worry about what other people are thinking of you. They're too busy worrying about what you are thinking of them.
Dr. Faustus, call your service.
During Britain's "brain drain," not a single politician left the country.
Economics is the only calling in which one can have a lifetime reputation as an expert without ever once being right.
Education confers understanding, knowledge, and competence; schools confer degrees.
Enthusiasm wanes, but dullness lasts forever.
Eternity is a terrible thought...where will it all end
Even Mason and Dixon had to draw the line somewhere.
Even the most faithful believer can serve a false god.
Every calling is great when greatly pursued.
Every family tree has some sap.
Every institution tends to perish through an excess of its own policy.
Every society professes the existence of inalienable human rights; most, however, are somewhat vague as to just what they are.
Everybody's death simplifies life for someone.
Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
Everything comes to he who waits - providing he has either infinite patience or infinite wealth.
Everything east of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
Everything not forbidden by the laws of Nature is mandatory. Trouble is, nearly everything is forbidden.
Example is not the main thing in influencing others; it is the only thing.
Excellence is an option that is renewable.
Expectations should not determine whether or not one acts, nor how.
Expensive fertilizers that do nothing for your grass will give you the most gorgeous weeds you ever saw.
Experience is a good teacher, but submits huge bills.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted.
Experimentation is the mother of confusion.
Extinction is the ultimate fate of all species.
Extreme boredom serves to cure boredom.
Extreme sorrow laughs; extreme joy weeps.
Extremely happy and extremely unhappy men are alike prone to grow hard-hearted.
Facts cannot prevail against faith, or adamant folly.
Failure is a measurement that depends on the standard applied.
Fear is no great respecter of reason.
Feed the wolf as you will; he will always look to the forest.
Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
Fire and water. Matter and anti-matter. Money and morality.
First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
Fools belittle that which they do not understand. Cynics belittle everything. Midgets simply belittle.
For a man of fortitude, there are no walls, only avenues.
For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
Freedom can be lost as surely tax by tax, regulation by regulation, as it can be bullet by bullet, missile by missile.
Freedom is for everyone. Or no one.
Freedom of the press is limited to those who have one.
Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate.
Frustration is not having anyone else to blame but one's self.
Get too many irons in your fire and you'll put it out.
Give all orders verbally. Never write down anything that might go into a "Pearl Harbor file".
Give me an example of pro and con. Progress and Congress.
Given that Nature limited the intelligence of Man, it seems unfair that she did not limit the stupidity of Man.
God can't alter history, so he created historians.
God has Alzheimer's disease; he's forgotten that we exist.
God made everything out of nothing. But the nothingness shows through.
Government corruption seems always to be reported in the past tense.
Half of conversation is listening.
Have a nice day...somewhere else.
He is all fault who has no fault at all.
He who dies with the most toys, wins!
He who does many things makes many mistakes, but never makes the biggest mistake of all - doing nothing.
He who endures, wins.
He who has been bitten by six dogs is legitimately suspicious of the seventh.
He who leaves nothing to chance will do very few things wrong, but he will do very few things at all.
He who lives on hope has a slender diet indeed.
He who looks too far ahead stumbles over his own boots.
He who would climb to the top must leave much behind.
He who would leap high must take a long run.
He who would pursue revenge should first dig two graves.
Hell is l is a city much like Newark.
Hell is not a place. Hell is what hurts worst.
History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided.
History occurs twice - the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.
Honesty in politics is much like oxygen. The higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes.
Honesty is the best policy - unless, of course, you are dealing with your wife, your girlfriend, your banker, your employer, the I.R.S., your creditors...
How can you tell when a salesman is lying ? When his lips are moving.
How come nowadays the word "honesty" is generally preceded by the phrase "old-fashioned" ?
How long a minute is depends upon which side of the bathroom door you're on.
I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer for my friends who exercise.
If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean ?
If a problem causes too many meetings, then the meetings eventually become more important than the problem.
If all else fails, read the destructions.
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they couldn't reach a conclusion.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
If builders constructed buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
If doctors' intellects were as big as doctors' egos, this would be a far healthier world.
If everything appears to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If it's not in the computer, then it doesn't exist.
If it's rational, if it's logical, and if it makes good common sense, then it's simply not done.
If man's best friend is the dog, where does that leave the rest of us?
If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
If one views his problem sufficiently closely, he will recognize himself as part of the problem.
If someone gives you so-called good advice, do the opposite; you may be certain that that will be the right thing nine times out of ten.
If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, pound the table and yell like hell.
If the first person who answers the phone can't handle your question, then it's a bureaucracy.
If the gods had really intended men to fly, they'd have made it easier to get to the airport.
If the government hasn't yet taxed, licensed, or regulated it, then it probably ain't worth anything.
If the nation's economists were all laid end to end, they would point in all directions.
If the plating work that we do for you is defective, we will refund your money, redo the parts free, close our plant, and have the plant manager shot. Will that be satisfactory ?
If the shoe fits, you're not allowing for growth.
If the thought of growing old bothers you, consider the alternative.
If the universe is indeed insane, who is the asylum keeper ?
If this is the land of the future, why are we all so given to nostalgia ?
If truth were a matter of opinion, then the majority would always be right.
If you are feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it.
If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, then you obviously don't understand what's going on.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you cannot logically refute a man's arguments, not all is lost. You can always call him nasty names.
If you cannot understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
If you disinfect the pond, you kill the lilies.
If you doubt that Rochesterians believe in God, watch how they drive.
If you gave a monkey control of its environment, it would fill the universe with bananas.
If you live among the wolves, learn to howl like them.
If you think that mental illness interferes with financial success, just look at the average television evangelist.
If you think that no one cares that you're alive, try missing a few car payments.
If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you want to make people angry, lie to them. If you want to make them absolutely livid, then tell 'em the truth.
If young women often do marry men like their fathers, no wonder their mothers cry at their weddings.
In America, the Secretary of Agriculture catches hell for unmanageable food surpluses; in Russia, his counterpart goes to Siberia because of unmanageable food shortages.
In a mad world, only greater madness succeeds.
In a permissive society, the cream rises to the top...and so does the scum.
In a world that runs on deceit, deception, and duplicity, the honest man is always at a disadvantage.
In any organization, there are only two people to contact if you want results: the one at the very top and the one at the very bottom.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In death, avoid hell. In life, avoid the law courts.
In defeat, malice. In victory, revenge.
In designing any type of machine component, no overall dimension can be totalled accurately after 4:30pm Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15am on Monday.
In doing good, avoid notoriety. In doing evil, avoid self-awareness.
In hell, treason is the work of angels.
In jealousy, there is often more self-love than love.
In order to obtain a loan, you must first prove that you don't need it.
In some countries, Chaucer and Dante are the classics. In this country, it's a soft drink.
In the Beginning, God created the Organization and gave It dominion over man. -Genesis, Article VII, section 3, paragraph C.
In the final analysis, entropy always wins.
In the long run, we are all dead.
In third-world politics, the people with the guns call the shots.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in extreme pain.
Instead of worrying about the boxes in your organizational chart, be concerned with the people who are boxed in.
Institutions are more rarely overthrown from without, more often corroded from within.
Interesting history is awful living.
Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy fortune-tellers take economists seriously.
It doesn't much matter whom you marry, for tomorrow morning you discover that it was someone else.
It is a grave error to allow any mechanical device to realize that you are in a hurry.
It is axiomatic that even the strongest of men will fall before a pygmy with a submachine gun.
It is better to add life to your years than it is to add years to your life.
It is better to be envied than to be consoled.
It is better to resign from office than it is to die in office; that way, you get to hear some of the eulogies.
It is difficult to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
It is often easier to find the truth than it is to accept it.
It is only in Aesop's fables that an elephant takes advice from a mouse.
It is probably better to be insane with the rest of the world than to be sane alone.
It is the manner, and not the content, that marks a gentleman.
It is when the irritation of doubt causes a struggle to attain belief that the enterprise of thought begins.
It is wrong to repeat gossip, but what else can you do with it ?
It takes twenty-five dumb animals to make a fur coat. and only one to wear it.
It takes very little to make a woman happy, and more than is contained in heaven and earth to keep her that way.
It's difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys.
It's not social oppression that moves wild-eyed revolutionaries; it's envy, pure and simple.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
John Donne was wrong.
Journalism, like prostitution, is a career in which just one foray makes a professional.
Just because you are paranoid does not mean that no one is following you.
Justice must not only be done; it must be seen to be believed.
Kill the moneylenders.
Knowledge can cure ignorance, but intelligence cannot cure stupidity.
Labor disgraces no man, but often a man disgraces labor.
Large brains can contain small minds.
Last weke I cudn't even spel kumpooter programer and today I are one!
Law remains long after justice flees.
Leakproof seals - will. Selfstarters - will not. Interchangeable parts - won't.
Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.
Less of a good thing is sometimes better - ask anyone on a diet.
Life is a learning experience; the diploma is your death certificate.
Life is a temporary assignment.
Life is a terminal condition.
Life's a bitch. But, then, consider the alternative.
Little boys throw stones in jest. Little frogs die in earnest.
Live every day as though it were your last. One day, you'll be right.
Live within your income, even if you must borrow to do it.
Locks and keys are for honest people.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.
Luck, it is said, dislikes working double shifts.
Making this world better will gain you the greatest credit in the next one.
Man does not live by bread alone. But he damned well doesn't live without it, either.
Many know how to flatter; few know how to praise.
Marriage is like burning the house down to toast the bread.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
May you live in interesting times.
Mayflies continually plot to topple the cedar.
Measure twice 'cause you can only cut once.
Measured with a micrometer. Marked with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster they call destiny.
Middle age is when you wonder if your warranty is running out.
Miles aren't the only distance.
Monotony is the law of Nature. Observe the monotonous manner in which the sun rises.
More men are sheep in wolves' clothing than the other way around.
Most men and nations die lying down.
Mother Nature applies all her rules...all the time.
Motor gently through the greasemud, for there lurks the skid demon.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

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